so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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