OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
