So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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