I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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