This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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