What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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