I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
