you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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