I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
