So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
