Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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