I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
