omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
