Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dicks are not precious.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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