so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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