our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
