There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
