Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
