So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
