i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
