Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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