She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
