I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we made out on top of his cat.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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