all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
