I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I am naked and annoyed.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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