Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
ttyl tear gas
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
