I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
