I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
