If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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