Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
