i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
