We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
