Where are you?
In a non slutty way
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I won the penis lottery.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
