The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm like, not good at living.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
