I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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