You really coming over, don't trick.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
