I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
