Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
