she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
