Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
