and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
