Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
