You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
even my farts smell like vagina
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
