I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
