OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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