The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
