I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
