I am puke
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
