I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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