That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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