I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
