Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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