WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
