saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
