when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
